Self- Victimization

Victimization is what happens when one is on the receiving end of unfair treatment or abuse. When individuals self-victimize, they might have a tendency to identify with the label of a victim, and the problem arises when their view of self becomes limited to their suffering.

It does not mean that their feelings and concerns are not valid. It is important to feel seen and heard, and have their struggles acknowledged. A victimized view of themselves and the world could be their attempt to feel supported by others around them.

When we hear claims of someone ‘playing the victim’ or ‘having a victim mindset’, what does that really mean?

Are we implying that they are manipulating the narrative of a situation to portray themselves a certain way or suggesting that they have a more helpless perspective towards their life and what concerns them?

It can be either of the two, depending on their intent. It is possible that some people truly believe that bad things always happen to them or nothing turns out the way they want, and that leads to them feeling helpless and victimized. And that some choose to solely blame their circumstances or external factors and avoid taking responsibility to make themselves feel better. Some might ‘play the victim’ for sympathies, or to inflict guilt on someone and to get their desired outcomes.

Self-victimization might also lead to feelings of helplessness, low self-worth, pessimistic perspectives, distrust, poor interpersonal relationships, etc.

What can we do instead?

What can be beneficial is to understand the difference between validation and victimization, taking accountability by reflecting upon what could be our role in the problem that we are currently facing or how we could navigate the concern in a healthier way.

It can also help to process our experiences and feelings and to find meaning in the circumstance, learn healthier coping tools and build resilience.

We can increase awareness about our thoughts and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns, and reframe them into more neutral or positive ones.

Some of the ‘unhelpful thought patterns’ are:

• All or none thinking- which involves thinking in extremes

• Mental filter- which involves only paying attention to certain type of evidences to support our beliefs

• Catastrophizing- which is blowing things out of proportion

• Over generalizing- where we draw broad patterns based on a single event

• Personalizing- blaming ourselves or others for something

References:

Aware. AE. (2020) What Does It Mean to “Victimize” Yourself? http://aware-ae.com/what-does-it-mean-to-victimize-yourself/#:~:text=When%20we%20self%2Dvictimize%2C%20it,and%20become%20reliant%20on%20pity.

Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.