Denial as a Defense Mechanism: Understanding Its Role in Our Lives
- Beaula Furtal
- Dec 25, 2024
- 4 min read
As a therapist, I often encounter clients who are struggling to navigate complex emotions, challenging situations, or deeply ingrained fears. One of the most common psychological phenomena I observe is denial. While it can sometimes frustrate progress in therapy, denial serves an essential function in the human psyche it is a defense mechanism, one that allows us to shield ourselves from emotional pain, overwhelming stress, or threats to our self-concept.
But what exactly is denial, and why do we use it? More importantly, how can we recognize when denial is helping us versus when it is holding us back?
What Is Denial?
Denial, at its core, is the refusal to accept reality or facts because they are too uncomfortable, distressing, or threatening to confront. It’s not about lying or deliberately avoiding the truth; rather, denial often operates subconsciously. It’s a mental buffer, cushioning us from feelings of fear, shame, grief, or helplessness.
Imagine a person who has been told they have a serious medical condition but continues to act as if everything is fine. Or someone in a toxic relationship who minimizes their partner's abusive behavior by saying, "It's not that bad; they love me." These are examples of denial in action—it helps the individual avoid emotional distress, at least temporarily.
The Role of Denial as a Defense Mechanism
Denial is part of the psychological defenses we all use, as first identified by Sigmund Freud and later expanded upon by other psychologists. These defenses are strategies our mind employs to protect us from distressing thoughts and feelings. Denial, in particular, can be thought of as a kind of emotional shock absorber.
In the short term, denial can serve a positive purpose. For instance:
Crisis Management: Denial can provide a brief period of emotional stability when faced with sudden, life-altering news. It gives us time to process the information and gradually adjust to the new reality.
Protection of Self-Concept: Denial can help preserve a sense of identity or self-worth when facing situations that threaten how we see ourselves.
Coping with Grief: Denial is a natural part of the grieving process. When we lose a loved one, it’s common to feel disbelief or a sense that it "hasn’t really happened." This reaction cushions us as we gradually come to terms with the loss.
When Denial Becomes Harmful
While denial can be helpful in the short term, it can also become a roadblock if it persists. Unaddressed denial can prevent us from taking necessary actions, solving problems, or seeking help. Some common signs that denial may be working against us include:
Avoidance of Reality: Persistently ignoring a problem, whether it’s a health issue, financial trouble, or relationship conflict can allow the situation to worsen over time.
Suppressed Emotions: Denial often pushes uncomfortable emotions like anger, sadness, or fear into the background these suppressed feelings tend to resurface in unhealthy ways, such as anxiety, irritability, or even physical illness.
Strained Relationships: When denial prevents us from acknowledging our behaviour or the reality of a situation, it can lead to misunderstandings and distance in our relationships.
Stunted Growth: By refusing to face reality, we miss opportunities to learn, adapt, and grow. Denial can keep us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us.
For example, imagine a person in denial about their struggles with alcohol. While the denial may initially help them avoid feelings of shame or guilt, it also prevents them from seeking the support they need to recover and can eventually lead to negative consequences.
Moving Beyond Denial
The first step in overcoming denial is awareness. Here are some strategies that can help:
Practice Self-Reflection: Journaling, mindfulness, or quiet contemplation can create space to explore your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Seek Feedback: Loved ones or trusted professionals can often provide perspectives we might not see on our own. Listen with an open mind, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Challenge Your Thoughts: Ask yourself, “What evidence supports my belief?” or “What am I afraid might happen if I face the truth?”
Build Coping Skills: Learning healthier ways to manage stress—such as breathing exercises, therapy, or support groups—can make it easier to confront challenging realities.
Be Patient with Yourself: Change doesn’t happen overnight. Acknowledge that denial served a purpose in protecting you, but it’s okay to outgrow it when it no longer serves your best interests.
Denial is a natural part of the human experience. It’s neither inherently good nor bad it’s simply a mechanism our minds use to protect us. The key is recognizing when denial is helping us cope and when it’s keeping us from growth. As a therapist, I’ve witnessed countless individuals take brave steps toward facing reality. While it’s often uncomfortable at first, the result is greater clarity, resilience, and a deeper connection to themselves and others.
If you’re struggling with denial, remember: you don’t have to face it alone. Reaching out to a therapist, trusted friend, or support network is a courageous first step toward embracing life as it truly is and finding the strength to navigate it.
References
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. The Guilford Press.
Schwartz, L. A., & Bradt, M. C. (2009). Denial as a defense mechanism in the medical setting: The impact on patients and families. Journal of Health Psychology, 14(4), 586–597. https://doi.org/10.1177/1359105309102904
Bishop, S. R., & Lau, M. A. (2005). Mindfulness in clinical practice: An overview. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 12(2), 185–189.
Vaillant, G. E. (1977). Adaptation to life. Harvard University Press.
Disclaimer: This blog post is meant for awareness/entertainment purposes only. It is not medical advice and one must refrain from self-diagnosing. It is in no way a substitute for therapy with a mental health professional and it is not meant to be clinical. To consult with a psychotherapist on our team, you can contact us on fettle.counselling@gmail.com.
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